Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and generalized educational content about wills. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal advice. Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online form. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online forms.
Step Series
Individuals living with addiction often push their loved ones away, which can cause significant harm to their relationships. Healing and building a healthy support system is a critical part of the recovery process. To repair relationships, people often need to make a living amends. Understanding the harm you caused the people in your life is critical for reflecting on your addiction. Making a living amends involves apologizing to your loved ones that you hurt and using your actions to prove you have changed and are committed to living a healthier and sober lifestyle.
What Is a Living Amends?
Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends. It’s common to struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. And it can be intimidating to be uncertain about how the other person will react. A full continuum of care treating addiction and mental health through an evidence-based approach, relapse prevention, and holistic healing with beach activities.
Commit to living a sober and honest life
- It also offers others a chance to gain resolution or a deeper understanding of your recovery journey.
- However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing.
- Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts.
- Individuals living with addiction often push their loved ones away, which can cause significant harm to their relationships.
- I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes.
- You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8.
You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises.
My Loved One Needs Help
Repairing previous harm also assists in helping you rebuild important relationships which may have been impacted by addiction. Today I am working on (the behaviors noted above) by ___________________. If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.
Careers – Join Our Team
Joi Honer directs the operations that support our alumni in their recovery from mental health and substance use disorders. Ms. Honer, who has been in long-term recovery for over 40 years, has worked in the treatment field for over 33 years. She holds certifications in addiction and co-occurring disorder counseling and a bachelor’s degree in addiction studies, having graduated summa cum laude. I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on.
Examples of Making Amends in Recovery
- According to The Big Book, the purpose of amends is to admit, take accountability for and address the harm caused.
- I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests.
- The goal is not only to seek forgiveness but also to promote healing, reconciliation, and personal growth for both you and the individuals involved.
Nor do I play the peacemaker between him and our Mother. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. Apologies, while they can be well meaning, feel like living amends lip service to many people.
Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction. We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease. Steps 8 and 9 help us to move out of the shame we have lived in, shame that feeds the cycle of substance use and addiction. We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Deathbed promises are a common way people make living amends. They want to find ways of making up for all their past wrongs, and they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so once their loved one dies.
Suddenly your spinning around things you feel guilty for. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. I have made many amends for my past while living as an alcoholic.
Recovery is a challenging but immensely rewarding path, and making amends is a crucial component of this journey. It’s a testament to your strength, resilience, and determination to create a better life for yourself and those around you. Remember, recovery is a process, not an endpoint, and making amends is a significant step on the road to a brighter, healthier, and more fulfilling future. The reason I give this disclaimer is making amends is a personal thing. Since we do not likely know one another, I cannot tailor your amends for the people you need to reach out to. Take your time as you go through the 12 steps of recovery, and God will reveal what you need to do.